the translation of your own physcological phenomenon

Everyone has their own past...

their own memorable memory...

whether its lovable sweet memories or...

or pain memories...

for me...

who held some kind deep of traumatic...

ever be the same....


its says :
" God Give you test that suits your capability.. "

yea i know..

but how come that those test..keep slap u for several years..

is this something wrong with me???

no one wants to gets hurt..

everyone wants to be happy...

such as i am..

normal human being...

this blog has accompany me..

being a silent witness of my life...

but...
many of my previous writting i've erased..

because..
everytime i read it..

those pieces of reminescence suddenly stab me directly...


am i the person who cannot move on..??

am i just pretending being a fake happy,,arrogant, lovable person..

and hiding my trueself??

did i never be my self..

why i have to imitate others???

am i never be confident with myself??

i dont want some mercy...
no...

i dont need that...

that wont be neccessary...

seeking for the happines wont be easy for me...

i still need lot of direction...

clue...

do i can take this physcological phenomenon myself??


in fact i never understanding why...

then at the end...

i keep accuse my self for all those shit occurs...


so how could i translate this my own physocological phenomenom???